Living the Moment

It was a vast lush green land surrounded with huge snow-capped mountains. The sun was just up and I could feel the chilly breeze. The entire scene was filled with soothing silence.  I was mesmerized by the captivating beauty of the sight and stood still for a while. After a few minutes of admiration, I stepped forward and walked through the misty grass.

As the panorama unfolded, I could see a lonely bench at a distance. I leisurely reached the bench, sat down and took a deep breath. I started rejoicing the whole experience.  It was solitary bliss in an enthralling land. It was an experience that can make you forget everything and anything. Just as I was getting comfortable, I heard some loud music. I was shocked! Before I could think of anything strange, my mind recognised the music. A familiar music in an alien land!! I quickly turned around to discover the mystery. What I saw now was utterly invalidating from what I saw till then.

It was a compact dark room and I was on the bed. I realized that the music from my mobile is alarming louder and louder trying to wake me up from a long time. With slight annoyance, I reached my phone to dismiss the alarm. Looking at the time, I was worried I will be late for work. Then, I quickly jumped out of bed and rushed to finish my regular household work. When I am in a hurry, it is quite inevitable for me to look at the clock every few minutes, as we constantly attempt to run along with the clock, if not faster. Now all set to go, and so I gathered all the things I remember to carry- packed lunch, dropped mobile in the bag, plugged in my ear phones, locked the door and set off.

Fifteen minutes later, I got an auto. All short roads to office were blocked and the entire traffic hits the main road. The traffic was so bad that the auto driver told me, “Madam, you will reach office tomorrow.”  Even after so much of battling with time, I was going to be late. Now that I knew I would be late, I wanted to know how many minutes would that be. Today, it was the watch that I forgot from the things in remember to carry list.  The same laziness that insisted me to sleep for a few extra minutes wanted to say something again. Now, it said, “Do not bother to dig your bag and pull out that phone to just check the time.” Like always, I obeyed. Meanwhile, all my favorite songs in my music player kept me engaged and gradually took me to a gentle world amidst that chaotic traffic. Finally, I reached my destination.

When I entered the office, I was pleasantly surprised to see the time. I was certainly late, but definitely not as late as I thought I would be. The travel through the traffic wasn’t as bad as I presumed. It was quite a stress-free travel. Not keeping track of every random minute of the hour, is probably the only reason that helped me stay cool throughout. If I had to keep looking at my watch and count every minute, I wouldn’t have enjoyed the music and the travel. This was in fact a relief that allowed me to live that moment.

Without having to worry about the time, all the time, will absolutely take away a lot of forced rigidity from our lives. Just imagine! Isn’t that relaxing?

Love/Hate

Between love and hate,

transition is the state

flipping like a tossed coin

with contemplation in mind;

whether to sustain the  love

that tormented the tender heart

or detest that deteriorating love

and abandon it forever.

Waiting for ‘the day’

I have always noticed that is there is something called ‘the popular’, attached to interest, opinion, thought, belief and approach. That was easy to understand as I configured it to be a coincidence that a group of people have it in similar. What I do not seem to understand is, how ‘the popular’ becomes ‘the dominant’. What I can never understand is how ‘the dominant’ could become ‘the best’ and therefore ‘the ideal’.

All these popular heads, for the simple reason that they are more in number, begin to dominate and spread their ideas; and this unified group of people is what we probably started calling ‘a society’. It is from here that we start sensing that society and we are two different entities.  This feeling could be a clear indication of desperation. From then onwards, all the important decisions we take, society will definitely be one of the major concerns that might influence our decision. I only wonder how a group of people with a different opinion but large in number be a gauge to measure the quality of an individual choice or opinion. How could that individual thought which is completely personal be branded as incorrect? 

Society appears to be playing a major role in our lives and all of us have been victims of it at some point of our life. As a school student you cannot choose to learn at your own pace. If you dare to do so, you will be looked down by your teachers, classmates, parents and importantly neighbors (altogether a society), who thinks every child should be bright at studies. A society would be shocked if you show even slightest signs of interest in sports or music or painting or film making as a serious career option. Some societies would not mind killing you to death if they feel you are transgressing the tradition by intending to marry someone who is not part of your ethnicity. Another society may strongly discourage you if you settle down for a small job in your hometown even if you are hundred percent happy with it. It is needless to say what a small job is!  A lot of things in your life have been stereotyped for you.

I have only seen society making your situation more stressful. It can never welcome novelty.  All the time it is alert to point fingers at the change you are trying to make. I have heard a lot of people say, “I don’t like to do it, but I’m forced to do it”, under extreme pressure. It is not very easy to just do whatever a person likes leaving behind what the rest would think of it. But I think it has to end somewhere, where each individual is respected for what they are and not because they are what the society wants. To stop this external interference, first we should start accepting the differences in each person and accept them as they are. Every person is unique and has an individual interest, opinion, thought, belief and approach. By developing mutual respect for individuals for their uniqueness would, according to me, be ‘the ideal’.

I hope there comes a day, where society accepts every person despite their individual ideas. 

Introspect

At the end of the day
I have something more to do
All the way
I have done something not so true

What Liar are you?

Few days ago my friend insisted I have a look at her new apparel that she had shopped for her cousin’s wedding. She displayed a huge heap of clothes and other accessories in front of me and left the room to get us some tea. While I was checking the clothes I felt they were gaudy, heavy and not very appealing though very expensive. After giving me enough time to make my observations, she walked in with some coffee and snacks. Then, she asked how I liked them and without any hesitation I said, “Wow! Great collection and fine designs! You will absolutely look gorgeous with them and believe me you are going to rock many hearts ;) ” And gave a broad pleasing smile to make my statements seem authentic. On the spur of the moment my conscience barked, “You liar. Now stop with that. Finish your coffee and get out of here”. I followed the instructions. I said “bye” and left her place.

On my way back home, I tried to convince my conscience by saying that it was my choice and intention to lie, “Dear conscience, please take no offence for unnecessary unimportant matter and make me feel guilty all the time”, but in vain. So, there was an internal debate between my conscience and my conscious for about half an hour and as a moderator I finally concluded, “I am a liar”.

The discussion didn’t end there. I was haunted with this conflict for a few more days and came up with a guilt-free theory called ‘What liar are you?’ According to this, I thought liars fall under three categories depending on the seriousness of the lie. The first one is where a person tells a lie for his/her personal advantage ignoring the serious consequences. More like a lie intended to deceive another person or organization. This may hurt or upset the other party. The second one is where a person lie on a not-so-serious issue and often the intention is not to make others feel anxious or bad about something. More like a momentary thing where the effect is not carried forward. The third one is where a person lies and the victim is completely aware that he/she is telling lies. This is very instant and might not have any intention to lie neither have anything to do with the trust or sentiment of the other. This is a clean lie mostly intended for fun.

Now, I call the first type as black liars, the second type as grey liars and the third type as white liars. I ultimately succeeded in bringing my conscience and conscious to an order by confessing, “I am a grey liar”

What liar are you? :)

Smile Please!

The first time when I closely saw an SLR camera, I only knew it was huge and heavy. My neighbours owned it. I was invited for their son’s birthday party. Throughout the celebration the only thing that appealed me was the camera! I firmly wanted to touch, examine and if possible manage to click a photograph. Though my introversive traits imply hesitation; my concealed interest urged haste. With lot of effort I finally managed to hold the camera and my neighbour was instructing me how to look from the view-finder before taking a picture; there I could see few green lines (that was all I knew then). Then I quickly pressed the shutter release button for after all I might lose that chance. Later when the pictures were developed my neighbour made a point to show me the first photograph I have ever taken and frankly it was good. Then I was only about ten.

Since then my curiosity for photography continued. Still not sure if that was the love for the camera, clicking pictures, photographs or posing ;)

But then I never got an opportunity to handle an SLR. Even then, I certainly did not give up! Kodak KB10 was like a pride possession. My silly passion drove me as crazy as to have around thousands of pictures today. Fortunately, when I started going to the college, I had a few friends who cooperated for this venture. Thanks to them!

I was excited when photography was part of my syllabus during my post graduation. I still remember my first five pictures as a to-be-professional photographer: a Gulmohar branch, bark of a huge tree, crows perched on deers, the face of a huge bull and a row of trees. Working on a Canon SLR was thrilling yet not very easy. Focus, shutter speed, aperture, depth of field, rule of thirds, pan, zoom, etc, etc was the jargon. Once there was a moment when I literally hated photography for it became more of a pressure than a pleasure. Whatsoever, I assume I have only mastered 75% of photography (as I got 75% marks in that course).

Today, Digital cameras have changed the fate of photography. The world photography has almost shifted to digital and I was no exception. Now it’s much beneficial as we don’t spend too much money getting a film, developing it and carefully pasting them into an album. I need not get disappointment for bad pictures as there is always a next change. With this blessing, I just click every possible moment to arrest it in my cam. For, this mania of mine, my friends hate me when I take my cam out of my bag.

I believe photographs can make an ordinary day an occasion. After all, today’s photographs are tomorrow’s memories; that are cherished forever. Always face it with a smile! :)

Oscillations

While I was still struggling with my annual examinations in the late April, I watched my neighbours playing shuttle. They were students of class X and they completed their exams. How can they finish so early when young children are still preparing hard for their exams in that hot summer? I dreamt of moving quickly to class X, which took me five years from then.

6th…7th...8th...9th...and finally 10th :) Wow! I can play shuttle when other students study. But I do remember how getting to march was a torture. Study hours, assignments, notes, extra classes, advanced material, important questions, daily tests and no holidays! Everyday during my extra classes, I happened to see young children playing and jumping with joy. I wanted to go back to those young days but soon realised it not possible. I was only waiting for March to be done with all the pain. One fine day I realised, I finished my exams. But I had no time to exclaim the relief as the next step was in line.....College!! Having watched many films I was waiting for those fun filled college life.

Its Teen Time...Intermediate! The two years. The starting days of college life...all excited! A residential college... friends and fun...no one behind you to actually make you do everything... However hated those study hours, Eamcet, the boring food, long queues to make a phone call, seniors, wardens, irritating announcements on the speaker. As at every level, the hard times started. But this time, it was not study or play that pained me. It's different! All my thoughts were about Home- Mom, Dad, Sis, the cozy lifestyle, the love and affection and that care…I wished I could stay at home and go to school everyday. I strongly didn't want to do engineering; then why did I go there?! What did I want to do next? I didn't know many options as engineering and medicine were the only options we knew. Out of many options by my dad gave; I finally chose to do English Literature in (Ethiraj)Chennai.

Now, it’s more than new and different. Missing home became a part of living as new challenges came up. Alien state, unknown people, new friends, weird language! I felt separated in this strange place. Slowly, I got used to all the novelty. I liked every course except mine. Psychology! Visual Communications! Nutrition and Diet! BBA! BCS! BBM! I wanted to do one those ‘sounds interesting’ courses. Therefore I decided I will choose one of these for my post graduation.

Masters in Communication….Ah! For the first time I was doing what I liked and really enjoyed it. Surprisingly, I experienced no problems. Wow course! One of the best colleges! Beautiful campus(MCC)! Amazing class mates! Charming seniors! Sweet faculty! Good food and accommodation! What more do I want? But whenever I saw working professionals, I admired them-the formals, the identity, the attitude and the attention they enjoyed. When will I start working and start earning and start spending on my wish & will? 

Now with a PR firm- started working, started earning, not really spending on my wish & will. My working hours are between 9 and 5 unlike college/school where you spend all day in class and at home no choice but to do assignments/homework. Gradually when there is pressure working towards deadlines, will leave office as late as 9 pm, the time I usually finish dinner and relax. Next day when I start to office I look at gloomy students going to school/college. Now, I know what’s on their mind and ofcourse mine: The wish of not being what you are!